sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Randomize
