I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
My vagina is very pro this idea
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
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