Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
