There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
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