What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Randomize
