come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Randomize
