"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
