how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
