i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
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