note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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