meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Someone shit on the floor
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
i dont even know how to be here
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Randomize
