I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Randomize
