we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
