At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
