He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Randomize
