I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
