I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Randomize
