I'm going to rape someone's good day.
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
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