I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
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