I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
