Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Randomize
