1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
