what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
