I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Randomize
