If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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