splinters make it hard to masturbate
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
