I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Randomize
