Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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