You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
