I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
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