You really coming over, don't trick.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Randomize
