Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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