Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Randomize
