It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
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