I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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