Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
