his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
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