I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
