You're so nebulous sometimes
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Randomize
