Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
