Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
