I could have mohawked her pubes.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
