yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
