can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
