How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
