Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
