the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Randomize
