ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
