you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize
