Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
