i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize