my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
